Tag Archives: thoughts

“there are worse things
than being alone
but it often takes
decades to realize this
and most often when you do
it’s too late
and there’s nothing worse
than too late”
― Charles Bukowski



If you and I no longer fit in this bed where do we go I knew you once behind all the smoke how could this all be a joke to you there’s a time and a place for our love so it goes If that place is gone then I guess I’ll let go but my open door policy’s officially closed I hope that you know – no one will fill that space for you, that’s up to you, and I fear that you’ll fail though once I did believe in you behind all the smoke and the lines that got blurred and the promises given that you wasted on her if you and I no longer fit in this bed it’s time to relinquish your place in my head though once I was sure opposites could attract I cannot be all the things that you lack, the spine in your back or the heart in your chest, infatuation at most but at worst even less.


I counted the days for a year to confirm

365 days

Time doesn’t feel as fast as I had hoped at most I would’ve wanted you to try since when did that become too much to ask for 365 days
I counted the length between your promises and I found the time so tedious remember when you needed this? I was all the things I swore I’d never be for 365 days
I waited for you time doesn’t feel as fast as I had hoped at most I would’ve thought that you were counting too why did I ever count on you at all?


I found the note you left
Behind in the kitchen, behind the coffee pot
That I used to put on for you
After nights I kept you up too late
And clothes that I took off for you
Those are the last words you will write for me, I know.

If blame must be placed
I guess this falls on me this time
I’m sorry for that time you saw me
Getting choked up at my desk
When he finished that marathon
and I heard his name broadcast on the radio.

What I’m trying to say is
When I saw you putting on your glasses
I knew I loved you both
And I tried so hard to choose you
And to live every day like I was in love
But the questions kept you up at night, I know.

What I’m trying to say is
I like to put my dress on in front of an open window
Then poke my head out to see who was watching
Not for attention — to avoid the static
I fear all things stagnant
Your distrust in the frenetic is not something surprising.

I read the note you left,
The last words you will write for me
I’m standing in my kitchen and I feel good but a
couple tears drip down; I’m just starting to feel it
I loved you both and I did mean it
You think this falls on me this time, I know.


Time heals all, they say
I don’t know who, but they say
Time heals all
So I stomached the words and believed them to be true
And the minutes, they don’t
but the years somehow do
Someday you slowly
Find that you’re fine
A little less whole, and with a little less time
But fine just the same.

It wasn’t always good
But in some ways it was always good.

I was here.

Paper thin skin rests in spaces abandoned
By a heavy-handed dreamer with smoke on his lips
Whose heavy-handed fingers could not resist
The timidness of protruding hips
I knew all of this once, chiseled letters into skin –
“I was here.”

But somewhere among all the skin that was shredded
The crinkling scraps and the things I’ll forget
I left more than a shadow, a shallow soul and hollowed bones,
I left my own knowingness and now I’m alone.

In spaces abandoned the rest of me rests,
the parts that are left,
And he will forget that I once knew it all
Who will recall the times I was here?
Embedded letters lost to skin cells deadened by a heavy handed dreamer and questions open-ended.

So I’ve arrived at a point
Where this all feels pointless –
It’s a broken-jointed bone refusing to bend
I don’t have much left to rest upon chests
Of heavy-handed dreamers
Who have even less.


I hope you look good in blue,

That loneliness suits you well

That you bleach me away and never look back

I hope you find what I lack

That I never cross your mind

That you’re fine and I’m forgotten

Among other lovers’ lips and

places i’ll never go again

I hope you bend for someone else

And you ignore the way I broke for you

I hope I was a joke to you

That my skin was too thin

I hope you look good in blue

That this doesn’t hit you hard

That you’re happy with the cards you played

I hope you stay away

That you never turn back

Or are saddened by the lack of me

I hope that you lose track of me

Easily and in little time

I hope you’re just fine and

forget that I may not be

I hope you never see me

In the face of someone new

I hope that unlike me

you look beautiful in blue.