I don’t remember how I like to sleep
The inside of a kitchen drawer
Or a suitcase-less floor
I know the elevator buttons here
React a bit too slowly
I know he’s letting go of me –
I don’t remember when it started, but I can feel it growing
I remember knowing
That this couldn’t last forever
I remember feeling better, I remember we were changing
I don’t remember breaking though I think we tried to fix it
When will he get angry that
My nerves are getting jumpy
I don’t remember feeling calmer though someone said I could be
I remember knowing they’ll choose what they want to see in me
I don’t remember losing the chance to take the stand
But there’s a suitcase in my hand
And somewhere else I need to be.
Someday you might wonder
What if I had held her
For those moments in the morning
Instead of going going going
Until everything was gone
You’ll notice life is feeling long
Though those moments went so quickly –
But what is time without me?
You might fill your days with should haves
Things you didn’t do but could have
And you might start to feel bad
But what ifs cannot sustain you
Maybe you’ll wonder if I blame you
For time spent so distracted
By things that didn’t matter
You’ll question happy-ever-after
And the life you could’ve had with me
If you’d realized when we had it that
Someday we’d just look back at it and
Time passes so quickly
At least it did when you were with me.
I wanted you to
I spent my days getting smaller
As you became farther away
My mind began to wander
Over subtleties I’d missed —
Her spit in your kiss, the dirt on your lips
When did my hips
Become unworthy of your fingers?
I linger longer than I should
On words you spoke then gave to her
Well I thought love was something sacred
But how easily you seemed to fake it
Take your space and vacant promise
Enjoy the taste of her dishonest
Skin, her lips, her wandering hands
I tried but I can’t understand.
Life gets in the way
How did I find myself tired and tried
I lied when I said that I couldn’t remember
I just thought it better
That we let the ending stick this time.
Listen — love is transient.
Maybe we meant it at the time
I remember being sure
Of someone so unstable
It felt like those final seconds
Before you fall asleep.
Life gets in the way
When mornings in your room
Began to smell like other lovers
I began to wonder
But I couldn’t find the time
to make this feel less flimsy
Well maybe you’ll keep missing me,
But the ending has to stick this time.
Listen — love is transient,
I wasn’t meant for permanence
But I want you to know
Your body was once bread to me
And I lied when I said I couldn’t remember
I just think it will be better
If I let you fall asleep this time.
I lived inside the corners of your mind
When you promised me light
I should’ve known you were lying
Well they say love is blind
But they must’ve meant blinding
With dust in my eyes I became someone spineless
Bent back ’til I snapped and
Became someone mindless
I believed in you
Because you told me I could
I should’ve known that didn’t mean
That I should
Well talk is cheap but I am not —
This dust will clear and I will walk.
You came home, said nothing
When I dreamt of love
A cold tongue and hollow eyes
Was never what I had in mind.
But love is short, I see
The great divide between forever
And what it’s come to mean —
Something in between the old college try
And one last desperate act
Once love is gone, it won’t come back
They never seem to tell you that
Forever’s not as long as you imagine it will be.
Which brings me to this question —
Did you imagine I’d be different?
You look at me, say nothing
(That always hurts the most)
I’m left with just the ghost of you
When did things become so different?
Well we give up on always but
Blue eyes will always bleed for you
I guess that’s my forever, I imagined it’d be better
You leave home, say nothing
I hope forever’s not as long as I
Imagine it will be.