It’s like seeing the light
When you’d prefer to keep sleeping
Or finding the meaning
In a kiss claimed not to matter
I’d rather have kept
My unenlightened eyes closed
But if you know then you know
And there is no forgetting
There’s just the regretting
And then things fall apart
I’d rather my heart
Have been kept in your hands
But despite my desires
I now understand.
What a circus it was!
To be so in love
With a body that floated —
Your feet never touched the ground
And despite your accusations,
I wasn’t there to bring you down.
I would’ve lifted you up
If you’d just let me know how.
Tonight, if you’re alone,
Turn your eyes to the darkness and know
There is no nothingness – amidst the abyss I exist somewhere too.
If your bones are built with stone tonight
And the light from the moon refuses to grace you
Know that I too have felt heavy
With all the things I failed to be, the forgotten details, the sum of my missteps
The not yets and too lates.
If your mistakes have made you older
Than you’d thought you’d be tonight
Know that through all this chilling air, in spite of it all,
I’ve left my light on for you.
If, tonight, you feel you’re falling fast
Past faces and planets and layers of skin
Know that I’ve been there too –
My skin has been blue and my hair failed to grow
But I let myself go and stomached the fall and I think you should too –
Fall into the darkness
and know that somwhere across it
I’m waiting for you.