I don’t remember how I like to sleep
The inside of a kitchen drawer
Or a suitcase-less floor
I know the elevator buttons here
React a bit too slowly
I know he’s letting go of me –
I don’t remember when it started, but I can feel it growing
I remember knowing
That this couldn’t last forever
I remember feeling better, I remember we were changing
I don’t remember breaking though I think we tried to fix it
When will he get angry that
My nerves are getting jumpy
I don’t remember feeling calmer though someone said I could be
I remember knowing they’ll choose what they want to see in me
I don’t remember losing the chance to take the stand
But there’s a suitcase in my hand
And somewhere else I need to be.
We were going to build something
Unhung pictures haunt me
Your toothbrush in the bathroom taunts me
How long ‘til you’ve forgotten me?
Here’s the thing that burns –
I know there was a time
When in me you saw the world.
Someday you might wonder
What if I had held her
For those moments in the morning
Instead of going going going
Until everything was gone
You’ll notice life is feeling long
Though those moments went so quickly –
But what is time without me?
You might fill your days with should haves
Things you didn’t do but could have
And you might start to feel bad
But what ifs cannot sustain you
Maybe you’ll wonder if I blame you
For time spent so distracted
By things that didn’t matter
You’ll question happy-ever-after
And the life you could’ve had with me
If you’d realized when we had it that
Someday we’d just look back at it and
Time passes so quickly
At least it did when you were with me.
Well how do I say I was better alone?
I love you but I’m letting go.
My day began
With spilled coffee and
Your hand missing from my
Thigh when I woke up
Later than expected and
Got ready in a rush I
Trust you finally gave up
On me getting it together
My promises of better
Never seemed to stick
And so this
Comes undone I see
But I can barely stand it
Shaky hands are
Will I always feel this tired?
When you told me you were giving up
I found it hard to act surprised
It’s been a while since I tried
To be someone worth fighting for
The truth is I became unsure
That love could overcome the silence
The lack of trust and lack of trying
The rancorous residual
From webs you spun and parts of her
At a time when I was more deserving
Now I find it hard to find this worthy.