I don’t remember how I like to sleep
The inside of a kitchen drawer
Or a suitcase-less floor
I know the elevator buttons here
React a bit too slowly
I know he’s letting go of me –
I don’t remember when it started, but I can feel it growing
I remember knowing
That this couldn’t last forever
I remember feeling better, I remember we were changing
I don’t remember breaking though I think we tried to fix it
When will he get angry that
My nerves are getting jumpy
I don’t remember feeling calmer though someone said I could be
I remember knowing they’ll choose what they want to see in me
I don’t remember losing the chance to take the stand
But there’s a suitcase in my hand
And somewhere else I need to be.
I felt better today
But is better enough?
How do you know when it’s time to give up?
When is it time to stop being tough
And admit what we both know
We’d both be better if I chose to go
But is better enough?
I know things are rough
But there was a time things were better
Well, better than better – let me explain
There was a time when your name
Sent shivers down my spine
There was a time when just “fine”
Was never how we were
There was a time you had me all
Before you spent part of me on her
But when is it time to give up on what we were
And accept that just “better”
Should never be the goal
When is it time to walk away & fold?
Maybe things do work out
That they knew what they were talking about
When they said “time heals all”
And though the fall may leave scars
To live is to be marked
So wear them with pride
I think it’s time that I tried
To forgive and forget
To wish you the best
And to live my life better
To stop wondering whether
The pain was worth the pleasure
You weren’t my forever
And I’ll leave it at that
There’s no going back
And with that I will move forward
And with that I will move toward
The light – a flower toward the sun
I’ve decided to believe
The best is yet to come.
The truth is
When you stopped believing in you,
I did too
I couldn’t find the ground to stand on
But I want you to know –
There was I time I would’ve stood for you,
Bent for you and broke for you
But life is just a joke to you.
I loved you before you knew how to love,
In an unpretentious way –
How much, I can’t say, words never held the weight
But the world was mine and I gave it to you.
I waited for you
Stepped back and gave you time
I was yours to call “mine”
But you sparked a match and let me burn alone.
I loved you before I knew how to crumble
As a bumbling fool who left a heart to be fumbled
Chipped away at and bruised
Used and confused I loved you regardless
But I’m giving you up
And somehow this part’s the hardest.
You taught me love is not all
And when I fall to fall slowly
I remember you told me
Not to love without limits
It seems so perfect when you’re in it
But love can be so fragile
And the talk of ever-after
Is often only that
And then, looking back,
What is it you’re left with?
At best with fragments of yourself —
At worst far less.
It’s like seeing the light
When you’d prefer to keep sleeping
Or finding the meaning
In a kiss claimed not to matter
I’d rather have kept
My unenlightened eyes closed
But if you know then you know
And there is no forgetting
There’s just the regretting
And then things fall apart
I’d rather my heart
Have been kept in your hands
But despite my desires
I now understand.