Tag Archives: blue

Suitcase

I don’t remember how I like to sleep
The inside of a kitchen drawer
Or a suitcase-less floor

I know the elevator buttons here
React a bit too slowly
I know he’s letting go of me –
I don’t remember when it started, but I can feel it growing
I remember knowing
That this couldn’t last forever
I remember feeling better, I remember we were changing
I don’t remember breaking though I think we tried to fix it

When will he get angry that
My nerves are getting jumpy
I don’t remember feeling calmer though someone said I could be
I remember knowing they’ll choose what they want to see in me
I don’t remember losing the chance to take the stand
But there’s a suitcase in my hand
And somewhere else I need to be.

Quickly

Someday you might wonder
What if I had held her
For those moments in the morning
Instead of going going going
Until everything was gone
You’ll notice life is feeling long
Though those moments went so quickly –
But what is time without me?

You might fill your days with should haves
Things you didn’t do but could have
And you might start to feel bad
But what ifs cannot sustain you

Maybe you’ll wonder if I blame you
For time spent so distracted
By things that didn’t matter
You’ll question happy-ever-after
And the life you could’ve had with me
If you’d realized when we had it that
Someday we’d just look back at it and
Time passes so quickly
At least it did when you were with me.

Better

I felt better today
But is better enough?
How do you know when it’s time to give up?
When is it time to stop being tough
And admit what we both know
We’d both be better if I chose to go
But is better enough?
I know things are rough
But there was a time things were better
Well, better than better – let me explain
There was a time when your name
Sent shivers down my spine
There was a time when just “fine”
Was never how we were
There was a time you had me all
Before you spent part of me on her
But when is it time to give up on what we were
And accept that just “better”
Should never be the goal
When is it time to walk away & fold?

Fumbled

I loved you before you knew how to love,
In an unpretentious way –
How much, I can’t say, words never held the weight
But the world was mine and I gave it to you.
I waited for you
Stepped back and gave you time
I was yours to call “mine”
But you sparked a match and let me burn alone.
I loved you before I knew how to crumble
As a bumbling fool who left a heart to be fumbled
Chipped away at and bruised
Used and confused I loved you regardless
But I’m giving you up
And somehow this part’s the hardest.

Slipped

If ever there’s a time when you question my love
Just know I put you above
Before you showed me why I shouldn’t
There was a time when I couldn’t
Imagine that I’d love you less
I guess humans are too fickle
For ever after, lasting love
Yes, I put you above
But you found a way to pull me down
And so it turns out
That love is not stable and sturdy
I loved with all until you hurt me
Bent me backwards, cracked my ribs
Then cringed as my love slipped and slid
Away from who I thought you were
You wasted all my love on her.

Space

I spent my days getting smaller
As you became farther away
My mind began to wander
Over subtleties I’d missed —
Her spit in your kiss, the dirt on your lips
When did my hips
Become unworthy of your fingers?
I linger longer than I should
On words you spoke then gave to her
Well I thought love was something sacred
But how easily you seemed to fake it
Take your space and vacant promise
Enjoy the taste of her dishonest
Skin, her lips, her wandering hands
I tried but I can’t understand.

All

You can have it all
My bones and the way I say your name
The game I knew I’d have to play
All the days you made empty.

You can have it all
Hands searching for a place to put their fingers
Lingering eyes so blue but made red
All the tickings of the clock.

For I’ve found myself lost
Wandering aimlessly painfully wavering
On a line I drew then crossed
I’ve found myself lost
With words stuck between my teeth
A heart that’s off beat and
A pair of cold feet
Aimed in opposite directions.

So you can have it all
My knobby knees and unassuming patience
Please just take it as I don’t think I’ll be back
All my thoughts have gotten tired.

You can have it all
Forgotten rings left on bedside tables
Stable smiles hiding a dizzy mind
All the time I pushed your way.

For I’ve found myself lost
Clumsily stumbling fumbling pointlessly
Over rules I wrote then tossed
I’ve found myself lost
With a knotted back and chapped lips
Sad lonely hips and
A body that ripped —
You tore me apart.