Frenetic

I found the note you left
Behind in the kitchen, behind the coffee pot
That I used to put on for you
After nights I kept you up too late
And clothes that I took off for you
Those are the last words you will write for me, I know.

If blame must be placed
I guess this falls on me this time
I’m sorry for that time you saw me
Getting choked up at my desk
When he finished that marathon
and I heard his name broadcast on the radio.

What I’m trying to say is
When I saw you putting on your glasses
I knew I loved you both
And I tried so hard to choose you
And to live every day like I was in love
But the questions kept you up at night, I know.

What I’m trying to say is
I like to put my dress on in front of an open window
Then poke my head out to see who was watching
Not for attention — to avoid the static
I fear all things stagnant
Your distrust in the frenetic is not something surprising.

I read the note you left,
The last words you will write for me
I’m standing in my kitchen and I feel good but a
couple tears drip down; I’m just starting to feel it
I loved you both and I did mean it
You think this falls on me this time, I know.

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